For socializing and being around other children, I had many classes I went to with Bee; swimming, music, gymnastics, art, sign language - you name it. But these were all Mommy and Me. What do you do when all of a sudden they turn a certain age (in our case three years old) and there is no more Mommy in the class?
I do not know how I came up with the plan, but timing could not have worked out better. Bee would start by having a short 30 minute swimming class on her own at three, then later the next month her Kindermusik class would transition to be by herself and finally a month later, a three hour summer camp with the folks at Montessori.
To ease the separation anxiety I had planned the transition to make sure we had mommy and me classes at all three places prior to the switch which in my opinion made all the difference. When she went to each class, she already knew the location, teacher, and how the class progressed prior to a class on her own. We did run into a little trouble with our fisrt attempt when the swim teacher demanded I go sit behind the glass on the far end of the pool area which I was not expecting. During the next class I was then allowed to sit next to the pool which worked just fine. I brought a book and tried not to look or pay too much attention to what was going on which I think made the teacher feel more at ease and allowed Bee to know I was there, but not be interacting with her. Each class she did better and better.
Our next "on our own" class was Kindermusik, a beginning music and movement class which I cannot advocate enough. We have been attending these classes since Bee was 1 year old and she just loves it. This class was on her own and I was out of the room without a viewing area. The first day she asked for me a couple times. It turns out that enlisting your child to help with the solution really does help. The next class, I talked with Bee and she said she would feel more secure if I left my bag in the room that way she KNEW I would be back. Evidently, I do not go anywhere without my bag. I would have never thought of that! She did just fine with no worry about where I was. She helped me decide where to put my bag in the classroom and we got there early enough to read a book together before the instructor asked for the books to be put away. I said goodbye and she was already off onto helping with the books.
Last, we had a three hour summer camp hosted by the Montessori School. This was the big test. The drop off is at the door with an instructor or helper coming out to get the child. The school threw a small wrench when a person neither of us had seen before came to get Bee from the car on the first day. It compounded when the lady said the instructor we knew was not there that day. But I reminded Bee that she knew the location and would know the instructor when she came back the next day. After a few tears and an unwillingness to leave the car, I simply asked Bee if she could show the new instructor to the classroom she was supposed to be in. At that moment she got right out of the car and took the new instructors hand, and walked her (presumably) to the room with the red circle by the door! By the end of the week after we had cycled through all the possible helpers that would take her and bring her back to the car, she was even forgetting to say goodbye!
I think the experience where we planned for increased independence (and decreasing amounts of my presence) worked for us and could not have worked out better. And as a closing thought, it is true what seasoned parents say. I think it was much harder for me than it was for her!
As I write this post and have a general feeling that we had this separation issue tackled I realize this is not quite over. What will we do now once we start totally new classes with new locations, teachers and programs?
Our next "on our own" class was Kindermusik, a beginning music and movement class which I cannot advocate enough. We have been attending these classes since Bee was 1 year old and she just loves it. This class was on her own and I was out of the room without a viewing area. The first day she asked for me a couple times. It turns out that enlisting your child to help with the solution really does help. The next class, I talked with Bee and she said she would feel more secure if I left my bag in the room that way she KNEW I would be back. Evidently, I do not go anywhere without my bag. I would have never thought of that! She did just fine with no worry about where I was. She helped me decide where to put my bag in the classroom and we got there early enough to read a book together before the instructor asked for the books to be put away. I said goodbye and she was already off onto helping with the books.
Last, we had a three hour summer camp hosted by the Montessori School. This was the big test. The drop off is at the door with an instructor or helper coming out to get the child. The school threw a small wrench when a person neither of us had seen before came to get Bee from the car on the first day. It compounded when the lady said the instructor we knew was not there that day. But I reminded Bee that she knew the location and would know the instructor when she came back the next day. After a few tears and an unwillingness to leave the car, I simply asked Bee if she could show the new instructor to the classroom she was supposed to be in. At that moment she got right out of the car and took the new instructors hand, and walked her (presumably) to the room with the red circle by the door! By the end of the week after we had cycled through all the possible helpers that would take her and bring her back to the car, she was even forgetting to say goodbye!
I think the experience where we planned for increased independence (and decreasing amounts of my presence) worked for us and could not have worked out better. And as a closing thought, it is true what seasoned parents say. I think it was much harder for me than it was for her!
As I write this post and have a general feeling that we had this separation issue tackled I realize this is not quite over. What will we do now once we start totally new classes with new locations, teachers and programs?
Way to go Mommy!
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